new jersey is still the armpit of america

hello hello ladies and gents. oh how i live for the weekends, sleeping in past 6am and anticipating a big trip to jersey city, new jersey...and if you're really lucky take a couple of extra stops to hoboken (insert sarcasm here)!!! well, i really do love sleeping in. i set my alarm clark for 8:30am on saturday morning with extremely high hopes that i would actually wake up by at least 9:30am but instead i continued to press snooze until i shut off my alarm all together and finally arose at 11am. well, i needed all of that rest because i had to get ready for my big jersey outing! i was treading lightly with excitement since the first time i went to jersey i fell out of the bus which i've already painfully written about and the last time i was there the republican party got crushed in the 2008 elections. well, this time my friend from work decided to have peeps over to his jersey city pad for a little partay and if i was going to survive this i would have to bring a friend. cat was the lucky winner and we decided to meet at 4pm on the L platform in union square to catch the path (train that goes to jersey). so, at 3:30pm i strutted down e. 8th st. and onward until i hopped on the L train to go across town only to realize 293470239472 people were also getting on the train. i practically had to run and jump before the doors closed to ensure i could squeeze into the crowd. i went into whole foods, got some munchies and went back down to meet cat except i then realized the train was only going back to brooklyn, my phone had no service and wasn't quite sure how i was going to find cat in the hoards of people. we finally found each other at 4:30pm after she had accidentally taken the train back to the e. village and had to walk back to union square. needless to say, 2 hours after we left our apartments at 5:30pm we finally arrived at the bash. at this point it was just a small gathering with a couple of peeps from work (drinks already in hand). the crowd slowly began to build as various neighbors and residents of the building came sauntering into the party. i have been to some random parties but this will one will have to take the cake. there was the 50+ millionaire gay couple where one of them stated the jersey condo was their "weekend home", bob - the 40+ wachovia banker (who dyed his hair brown since the last time i saw him when he was all gray), silda - the 27 year old indian neighbor and mcgraw hill financial analyst, jimmy and david - cutest gay couple eva, meathead (can't remember his name, but he looked like worked out a lot) whose wife was in the city dancing at a bat mitzvah (?!) and couldn't make it, chris - 25 year old hofstra grad and pot head who left every hour for about 20 minutes to do who knows what and for comic relief was wearing a D.A.R.E. tshirt, yvonne - 37 year old business development consultant, extremely spacy but had the most amazing condo that had a view of the statue of liberty, megan and her husband - late 20s and recently engaged who kept telling cat and i to go out every night of the week and have fun, patty - in her early 40s, drove in from the suburbs and still trying to figure out how she got invited in the first place, new coworker - 23 years old, he looked into cat's purse and saw there was gum to which he then proceeded to go up to her and say, "what's your name again? can i have a piece of gum" and rick - 24 years old, host of the party and baby in the building and obsessed with all things italian. after more than a few drinks we decided to sneak upstairs to look at all the penthouses which were ridic gorgeous, which was then topped off by watching the miss america pagaent (yes, this was still at the same party). after the group oohed and aahed at rick's new curtains and coffee table for literally hours cat and i had a brilliant idea to go to hoboken! hoboken is right outside the city and a popular place for some kids to live that are looking for a cheaper housing alternative to the city. we thought we'd try something different and honestly when else were we going to be this close to hoboken? we updated our fb statuses and practically ran out of the party to escape to someplace new and exciting. boy oh boy were we wrong. the first sign of doom was when we were the only two people to get off the path while everyone else rode back into the city...all of these so called bars had lines and when we finally got into one were surrounded by guidos and white trash. i kind of felt like in that episode of sex and the city when samantha and carrie are out the night after carrie gets dumped by a post it note by berger and they get run out of a bar by some jersey girls. we lasted all of 5 minutes and went back into the city. if you didn't already know jersey is known as the armpit of america for a reason. if you actually look up "armpit of america" in the urban dictionary "new jersey" is the definition. i encourage all of you to look it up right now and also see the hilarious example that is posted with it. we finally made our way back into the city and found a quaint little wine bar in the west village where we sipped on shiraz and peronis for a couple of hours before we realized we were amidst a private birthday party. a friend of a friend almost couldn't meet up with us because the bouncer said he wasn't part of the private party and somehow got in. i had to painfully sit through this guy talk about his love for trying to perfect the handstand and how it was one of his new goals for 2009. if that wasn't enough everyone in the bar, including the bartender had european accents and i was obviously the one that was not like the others. all of a sudden we found ourselves singing happy birthday to some chick holding a huge birthday cake with candles. when we decided to finally leave she even said thanks for coming! at last it was 3am and i was munching on some of the best pizza i've ever had and just 12 hours later i returned to my place for some zzz. i should probably start fighting whitney port right now to get my very own mtv reality show in the city. it's pretty obvi what the show's name would be. welp, on that thought this little one is off to iron some clothes, very intriguing. peace out!